Sara Elizabeth's Journal

this journal is friends only. if you want to add me please let me know who you are and why you're adding me.

my public, creative journal with my fanfiction, graphics, photgraphy & etc is spunk_my_ransom

I'm ready to go insane. I have the answers, but nowhere in the book does it tell me how to solve these problems. I've no idea where to begin, and when I try to guess, I get sloppy, wrong answers. Help?

A tennis court has an area of 312yd^2. If the length is 2 yd more than twice the width, find the demensions of the court.

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The hypotenuse of a right angel is 2 ft less than three times the shorter leg. The longer leg is 3ft less than three times the shorter leg. Find the length of the shorter leg.

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there is no more phone.i only have a day & half left on my seizure meds. I can't even call my sister to see if she'd take me to the er to get more. im so tired. i dont want to go through the withdraws. its not safe with seizure medicine......i dont want to go through all that again.
i can stop crying.

forwhatever reason when everythings spinning out of control i have this urge to just chop off all my hair and find a way to shed out of my skin. it makes no sense.

and im scared, cause i keep saying words wrong and shit.


and nobody gives a damn.  there's no help. im scared.

The Monster

the monster is out again
the moster is out
hear her scream, hear her shout
hear her poisonous words
slithering about.
fighting fire with fire
couldn't understand.
but at least i'm in control;
i wont let it get out of hand.
i can still bleed
this knowledge, bittersweet
the first drop, planting a seed.
the monster is out again
no longer my friend,
the monster is out.
hear her scream, hear her shout.

The Wolf

the wolf is coming out to play
she's ripping me to shreds
every day
she smells my fear
takes her place
casuing another tear
to fall down my face
the wolf she lives inside of me
coursing through my blood
making me nervous, making me weak
but when she's asleep,
i rest too.
i almost forget she's there
and what she can do.

inside

i'm crying a thousand tears
on the inside
desire is unknown, and the pain
the pain still resides
but you, you could make it go away
and you, you could stay
but i'm falling faster
wish i could get outta here
im falling down...but you're not around
and i wish you could see my scars
the blood i've cried....
and all the pain inside.

my soul coming undon

i wonder what you'd say
if you could see the blood
the razer against my skin;
my soul coming undone
and if you could feel the pain
i wonder what would you do
would you even care?
after all, it's nothing compared to what you grough through;
my soul coming undone.

ribbons and lace, chains and rope
the unraveling depths
of my soul.
tied together with a smile; my only hope.

but the smile has lost its magic,
and the scars they are so tragic
weak & powerless;
my soul comind undone.

invisible

i think you know the dark secret
that i've been hiding.
i think you've seen the scares
and all the pain unfold
i really believe that you know.
but maybe you believe
if you close your eyes and look the other way
maybe, just maybe, these scars will fade
maybe you think it's a joke
or a game of copy-cat.
or maybe you just don't care.
anyone else, anyone else but me;
you would open your eyes, you would see.






oh yes, im quite the chipper person.

(you should see my scars).



just a note; i will probably not be able to access the internet much longer, however i doubt any of you will miss me that much anyway.

When you're a kid, you want to be invisible. There's so many cool things you can do. If you close your eyes, wear you magic clothes nobody can see you.

I have to pretend I'm visible. Even if the view of me is pathetic, and the laughing is harsh. Cruel words and pointing fingers....At least, then I'd know I exist...and what exactly needs to be fixed.

If the tears could be seen. The mumbles, whispers, and pleading. If the blood were visible and the scars and the fear. It wouldn't matter, cause it doesn't compare. Dramatic. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid girl. You're such a stupid girl. You should hide yourself away in a box, in a hole, in a closet. Rabbit's hole, but no....there's people to not see you there.

God, I'm sorry for the way I've been. Slipping up. Breaking up. I'll try harder, and I know I need to make you my hiding place...but it's so hard, because I need to be saved from my current situation. Can you save me? Can you just make it all better? I can't handle the stress. God, please forgive me for my babies deaths. I tried, but I keep thinking I must've done something wrong. I didn't try hard enough. I should go to sleep. Life's falling apart as I speak, and I just want someone to hold me together. You can see me right, God?

Nobody else can. Only people in dreams.

I wish you'd fight just a little bit longer
I wish you'd fight just a little bit harder
I wish you could make it go away
I wish you could step into my life for a day.
And if you could see it, if you could feel it....maybe you could stay.
And I have dreams; everything's so easy in them
It goes away. It goes away. And it's no longer in my place.
And in my dreams, you love me.
In my dreams it's just so damn easy
I hear a knock, I fall in arms
And the pain evaporates.
But you're not here. And you'll never be
Surprises are nonexistent for me
But the pain is deep; words i cannot even speak
Could you please, for my sake, go out of your way
Surprise me, with honesty
songs unheard and sparkling wings.
But I'm not foolish enough to believe
That you'd fight just a little bit longer
That you'd fight just a little bit hearder
It all seems, all these things, are nonexistent for me.


Things are so unbelievably stressfull right now. Medicine. Anxiety. Health issues. Money issues. Issues galore really. I feel a little empty. Terrified. Broken. Alone........I suck. I read the emails.....but I don't remember. It's never been talked through before. Be honest. I'm breaking......................and I'm not sure if I can take it.

For those of you who do not know, my mom quit her job. We're broke and life sucks....so to make money until (or if...) unemployment comes in or she can find a new job, she has made these twilight things to sell. Feedback is much appreciated and pimping of these are appreciated too. (Oh, I sound like one of those greedy, poor me people, huh? I don't mean to)

@ here

a photo album w/ edward & bella in the medow




@ here

&& my favorite photo album. CAUSE ALICE ROCKS!




@ here



@ here

"maybe you would've been something i'd be good at. maybe i would've been something you'd be good at"

as mishanne was telling me about her wonderful boy, i got to thinking, why can't you be like that with me? where we stand now, i probably wont ever speak to you again...but why don't you love me like that? i'd never let you go if you did.

and i wonder, if none of this happenned, and we'd keep talking and you came to visit and whatnot
would you ever commit yourself to me? would you ever marry me?


Okay, so yeah I'm not the type that thinks about marriage a lot, but now I am
thinking about it, that is.
and i just wonder, if things were different, would we have ever got that far?

does he love me that much?

(and maybe this is a little reckless, but i can't see what harm it will do.)

1. Left Behind: The Mark by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
2. Left Behind Kids: Through the Falmes by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
3. Angels Watching Over Me by Lurlene McDaniel
4. The Obama Nation by Jerome R. Corsi
5. The Legacy: Making Wishes Come True by Lurlene McDaniel
6. I Was A Teenage Fairy  by Francesca Lia Block
7. The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis
8. The Tales of Beetle the Bard  by J.K. Rowling
9.  Girl, Interuppted by Susane Kayseen
10. Left Behind Kids: Facing the Future by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
11. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine
12. Blade Silver: color me scarred  by Melody Carlson
13. Please Don't Die by Lurlene McDaniel
14. Left Behind: Desecration by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
15. Left Behind Kids: Nicolae High by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
16. Lifted Up By Angels by Lurlene McDaniel
17. Diary of a Teenage Girl: My Name Is Chloe by Melody Carlson
18. Bitter Rose: color me crushed by Melody Carlson
19. Left Behind Kids: The Underground by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
20. The Other Side of Darkness by Melody Carlson
21. Fantasy Lover by Sherrilyn Kenyon
22. Night Pleasures by Sherrilyn Kenyon
23. Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult
24. Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot
25. Diary of a Teenage Girl: Sold Out by Melody Carlson
26. Diary of a Teenage Girl: Becoming Me by Melody Carlson
27. Night Embrace by Sherrilyn Kenyon
28. Dance with the Devil by Sherrilyn Kenyon
29. The Cotton Patch Version of Matthew and John by Clarence Jordan
30. Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
31. Princess Diaries 2: Princess in the Spotlight by Meg Cabot
32.  Miles to Go by Miley Cyrus
33. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares
34. Post Secret by Frank Warren
35. Left Behind Kids: Busted by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
36. The Last Vampire by Christopher Pike
37. Diary of a Teenage Girl: It's My Life by Melody Carlson
38. Left Behind Kids: Death Strike by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
39. The Second Summer of the Sisterhood by Ann Brashares
40. Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard
41. The Jesus Chronicles: Mark's Story by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
42. Robert Pattinson: Eternally Yours by Isabelle Adams
43. Aquamarine by Alice Hoffman
44. Jillian Dare by Melanie M. Jeshcke
45. Girls In Pants (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3) by Ann Brashares
46. Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris
47.Pretty Little Liars 2: Flawless by Sara Shephard
48. Ecstasia by Francesca Lia Block
49. Living Dead In Dallas by Charlaine Harris
50. Diary of a Teenage Girl: Road Trip by Melody Carlson
51. I Know What You Did Last Summer by Lois Duncan
52. A Series of Unfortunate Events: Te Bad Beginning by Lemony Snicket
53. Diary of a Teenage Girl: Just Ask by Melody Carlson
54. Left Behind Kids: The Search by Tim Lahaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
55. Pretty Little Liars: Perfect by Sara Shepard
56. Finding Alice by Melody Carlson
57. Pretty Little Liars: Unbelievable by Sara Shepard
58. Diary of a Teenage Girl: Face the Music by Melody Carlson
59. Diary of a Teenage Girl: Meant to Be by Melody Carlson
60. The Prayer of Jabez for Teens by Bruce Wilkinson
61. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling
62. High on Arrival by Mackenzie Phillips